“You Can’t Uplevel Until Your Nervous System Can Hold It”

What smear campaigns, whistleblowers, and social media trolls taught me about resilience 

Several years ago, I let an employee go. Someone I worked with for about four years. Our families were close and involved, often I treated her like another daughter. Getting as many would say “too close,” and as her friends told her, “she could do anything she wanted” at her job. 

Until the day when, after numerous disciplinary conversations, I made the decision to let her go. 

What came next I was not exactly prepared for. The smear campaign. Over the next two to four weeks there came an onslaught of messages, Google business reviews, and personal Facebook comments. People told me I was only in it for the money. They felt that she was family, how could I let her go. Someone, with a fake account, even said they felt bad for my husband because I was a “flirt” when I was out drinking. 

Friends and family were monitoring, defending, and my social media team took the posts down when they could. 

I knew I had made the correct decision in letting her go, but her friends attacking me was something I was not prepared for. The mean girls made me cry, made me angry, it scared me. But what it did the most was prepare me for what was next as a content creator, writer, and business owner. 

If you are someone who has a public role, owns a business, is in politics, a whistleblower, or just a content creator online, know this, someone is coming for you. 

They call them “haters,” “trolls,” “detractors,” “the mob.” Whether you are famous, infamous, or not at all, they have something to say. They will show up in your comments on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok. 

It is what they do. And although most of us cannot even fathom writing unkind things to people we do or do not know, there is a group of people who hold nothing back and do not care how what they say affects you. They just want to get it out there. And all too often they are not even brave enough to have their own profiles be public so that you can face your accuser. 

Joe Rogan has a strict “I don’t read the comments” policy. Some people interact, some ignore. Bethenny Frankel goes head on. Whistleblowers get it. The Schumann resonance girl I watch on TikTok gets criticized for sharing her interpretation. Even my “No Complaining August” challenge got its share. Someone told me, “Complaining in your head counts.” Well, I know that, but they had to say something. Missing the point just to be a commenter. 

No matter who you are, how nice you are, or what you do, you will be getting it. 

Here is the part most people miss, you cannot uplevel until your nervous system can hold it. 

My nervous system was not happy with me in those weeks after letting the employee go. It made me cry, it made me shake, it made me angry. But it also made me stronger. 

And even as I write this, my heart is racing, and my stomach feels queasy. I know putting this out will have backlash. I need to be ready for that, but I also need to use it as practice, another chance to get used to putting things out there. 

This is the very reason I sometimes hold back on my book. Fear of what people will say. Fear of the mob. And honestly, the fear is one of the reasons I did ketamine, to get beyond that fear and step into what I know I am here to do. 

“Don’t read them,” have someone else do it for you. Learn to ground yourself. Learn to regulate your system so you can keep showing up anyway. 

I am thankful that I got what feels like the worst out of the way early. Maybe there is more, but at least I know what is coming. 

If you are stepping out into the world, into business, politics, or creating content, be ready. The haters are coming. It is not personal. It is what they do. 

Live your life anyway. Create anyway. Build the nervous system capacity to hold it and please keep going.