My Ketamine Experience: What to Expect, What Changed, and Why I Did It

*Everyone’s experience with ketamine is different. Everyone’s intentions and outcomes are different, too. This is what it was like for me, a woman deeply committed to personal growth who had tried just about everything and still felt stuck in that one little pattern I could not break through. This blog is not expert advice. It’s a story about how I found a path back to myself. 

Why I Did It 

I’d been doing the work for years, spiritual growth, meditation, mindset coaching, Human Design, journaling, the whole thing. I’d grown so much, but I still couldn’t move forward. I couldn’t get myself to believe I could write my book. I couldn’t stay consistent in launching the workshops I wanted to teach. The same stuckness kept showing up, a feeling in my chest that I could not move past. 

So tired of trying to move past this, I asked ChatGPT “What’s a shortcut to break through being stuck?” It gave me a few ways to achieve a breakthrough, and one of them was ketamine. Ketamine, I had heard of it on Andrew Huberman’s podcast but did not know how it would help ME? Nonetheless, it was a full body yes. I just knew it was the way, and I never doubted the decision for a moment.  

I had already been working with Shandell Pino, who had introduced me to Ceremonial Cacao. She had supported me in big ways before and I knew she was also offering ketamine journeys through a company called Connections Ketamine. She is the spiritual guide and energy worker. Nate, a doctor, handles the physical side, administering the medicine and making sure you’re safe the entire time. The idea of being supported by both of them, just felt right. 

I booked the trip. In six weeks, I was on a plane to Utah. 

The Setup 

I stayed in a quiet downstairs room in Shandell’s home, my own space, complete with kitchen, a cozy bed, and a window that looked out onto the grass where I’d later spend hours integrating. 

Before the sessions, we had a few pre-calls to talk about my intentions. Shandell also curated a list of personalized affirmations for my sessions, not fluffy ones like “I am enough,” but deep ones pulled intuitively from what she sensed in me. Once I arrived in Utah, I recorded them in my own voice and she played them at the start of sessions 3-4. 

Each ketamine session happened in that same cozy bed. I wore soft, warm layers and an eye mask. Nate checked my blood pressure, placed an O₂ monitor on my finger, and gave two intramuscular injections—one in each arm, ten minutes apart. Shandell sat three feet away, ready to hold space or work with whatever energy came up. Music played in the background from playlists she curated just for me. 

It felt sacred. Safe. Personal. 

Session One: Avatar and the Old Me Leaving 

I arrived in Utah around 1pm. That night at 6pm (8pm in my head), I had my first session. That’s late for me, and I was a very excited to dig in, but I managed a short nap beforehand. 

This first session was about acclimation. I had never done a psychedelic before—not even recreationally. I had no idea what it would feel like. And then… I was in it. 

There was no slow ramp-up. One moment I was lying still. The next I was inside an experience that was vast, colorful, and completely unlike anything I’d known. I described it as Avatar, tiles floating in waves, colors that eventually turned black. Those tiles felt like parts of my identity sloughing off, especially from my right arm. Old me, floating away. 

At one point, about 5 minutes in, I felt like I was underwater. I was scared. And then I heard Shandell say, “Are you OK?”and she touched my arm. That simple gesture shifted the energy completely. I settled again. 

“Stained glass windows.”
“Cathedral ceilings.”
“Kaleidoscope.”
“Waves of darkness.” 

“Mesopotamia” 

I said them out loud. I said the f-word a lot, too. Because how else do you express awe and unraveling? 

Coming out, I felt floaty and disconnected from my body, like I was walking someone else’s body to the bathroom. I wanted to explore Utah, see the mountains, shop, but my body said no. The medicine said rest. I also had a slight headache and ickiness in my stomach, like a small hangover. 

So, I ate something, crawled into bed, and let myself be still. 

Session Two: Past Lives and the Hangover from the Soul 

The next morning, we started again at 10am. This time, Shandell played the affirmations I had recorded for myself while the medicine kicked in. It felt familiar now, but deeper. 

I saw particles and mosaics. Ancient ruins. Iran. Stained glass windows. I moved my legs but didn’t know where I was in the bed. I said “Mesopotamia” out loud again. Tears came fast and steady. Something was leaving. Something was remembering. 

But when it ended, the hangover was worse, head fog, stomach yuck, like the day after too much alcohol. We had planned four days of sessions in a row, but this told us clearly: it was time to pause. 

That afternoon, I drove to a shop called The Dancing Crane, a total hippie store. I wandered through clothes and crystals, incense and beads. I picked up wind chimes and earrings. I passed on a purse I thought was “too hippie.” I wasn’t ready yet. 

Day Three: The Break and the Noise 

Day three was for rest and integration. I journaled. Sat in the grass. Recorded a few videos to document what I was experiencing. And had an energy session and candle clearing with Shandell that helped me hear the background hum in my mind. 

The endless list.
Cut the grass.
Clean the floors.
Be all things to all people. 

We talked about how I love people by worrying. And how much space that worry takes up. We asked: What does it look like to love without worrying? 

The one little question felt hard and maybe irrelevant, but it cracked something open. I didn’t know yet that tomorrow would complete the crack, and let the light all the way in. 

Session Three: Unfolding 

The morning started with a cacao ceremony, that I usually perform on my couch, this time it was on a mountain watching the sunrise with other women. The experience was communal and grounding. I could feel my body relaxing and opening in a new way, surrounded by women I knew from online, we now sat together in person. 

Later that morning, back in my space, I began the third session. 

I said “Origami” out loud early on, like I could feel myself unfolding. I also said “Grateful Dead,” not because I was hearing the music, but because I wanted to remember the feeling. 

Then came the realization: Jennifer and Shandell are the same person. 

Jennifer was my high school friend who never gave a flying f*ck what anyone thought. She smoked pot, wore what she wanted, decorated her room with hippie wall hangings and burned incense. Meanwhile, I was the good girl dressed in LL Bean. Jennifer was the rebel. I was the rule-follower. But deep down, I wanted to be her. 

That session made it clear, I had always admired Jennifer’s freedom because I had denied it in myself. And now here was Shandell, holding that same energy. Grounded, spiritual, intuitive, and totally herself. 

This session was full of so many f bombs. It was like something finally clicked in my head. What I was seeking was freedom. I had boxed myself into this person I thought I wanted to be and who I thought I should be. Being free meant not caring about what others might be thinking of me all the time. Not worrying about everyone all the time. Shifting this perspective felt like nothing short of selfish but it finally clicked I needed to be more selfish, that would give me more freedom to explore who I am and what I want. The energy that this shift would create would be epic. 

That afternoon, I went back to The Dancing Crane. I bought the purse. 

Session Four: Becoming One with My Daughter 

This was the most powerful session of all. 

Nate increased the dose. The medicine hit faster. As I lay back, one question came up that scared me: 

“If I stop caring for others, does anyone care about me?” 

I was afraid that thought would take me somewhere dark, so I cleared it and surrendered. 

Then something happened I didn’t expect: 

Toria slipped into my body.
She and I became one. 

I felt her inside me, not as a thought, but as something cellular. The tears came like a waterfall. I couldn’t stop them. I didn’t want to. I said, “I need to get Toria on a plane and take her to Iran.” 

Let me explain why Iran is such a big part of this experience. When I was 7 years old (1976) we moved to Iran for a 2 year stay (my dad worked for Texaco.) It was the most amazing, expansive place at that time. I saw, ate and explored a world we cannot even imagine. I want so badly to be able to go back and take Toria with me.  

Jennifer came back in this session too, but now I didn’t just admire her. I saw: I am her. I cried. I spoke. I feverishly tore off my eye mask and O2 monitor and told Nate and Shandell everything. I had remembered who I was, who I was going to become……. 

The Clarity After 

It’s been a month. Am I a completely different person? Not exactly. But I’m different in all the right ways. 

I’m not stuck anymore. 

I move through my day with more presence. I dress how I want. I speak more freely. I don’t overthink everything. That invisible wall I kept hitting, it's gone. 

I’m not “healed,” but I’m so much freer and able to live my life without the constant push and worry that ruled my life, sucked the energy out of me. 

And that’s everything. 

Aftercare + Integration 

Every day after a session, I sat or laid in the grass for hours. I journaled. I listened to my affirmations. I drank water. I slept. This kind of experience stays with you, it doesn’t just end when the medicine wears off. 

I still listen to my affirmations before I get out of bed and as I go to sleep. I notice all of the changes in who I am and how I do things differently now. If I slip into worry or pushing, I notice and step back, reassess and as Gabrielle Bernstein would say “I chose again” chose how I want to be and feel in the moment.  

Let me tell you, the magic is unfolding in my everyday life. More to follow! 

If you’re considering doing ketamine, here’s my advice: 

• Have support. Don’t do it alone. 

• Create space. You’ll need time to rest, reflect, and recover. 

• Don’t expect it to fix you. But do expect it to reveal you. 

Final Word 

I’m grateful I did this with people I trust. In a setting that was sacred and safe. This wasn’t just medicine. It was a rite of passage. 

And now, I’m walking forward with more of me intact than ever before. 

And I am considering finding a practitioner I can trust to work with in Columbus. The journey never ends.  

P.S. With deep thanks to Jennifer for giving me full permission to share her name, her energy, and the impact she’s had on my life.