When Two Wounds Meet: A story of shadow friendships, fear, and the reason-season-return that brought us back

This is a story about my friend Rochelle and me. Rochelle may not be a friend in the traditional sense. She isn’t someone I met in school, at the gym, or at work. Rochelle is someone I met through an online community. She is a holistic human design coach, a podcaster, and a gifted astrologer, and someone, like me, who is always wanting to learn and grow as a human.

I also asked Rochelle to share “her side of the story” so that the reader can see that perhaps it is not just about me or you; other people bring their own wounding or stories to the party.

So here is my side of the story:

In 2023, Rochelle and I were part of a collective group, a mastermind of women looking for support growing as humans and in our brands. We each shared on our group calls and listening to Rochelle talk about astrology had me curious. I had only read my horoscope in Glamour magazine growing up. Offline, I messaged her and asked if she would do a monthly astrological forecast for me. We agreed to a three-month “contract.” For three months, she would send me forecasts for the upcoming month. At the end of the three months, I renewed for another three. During these six months, Rochelle became more than my astrologer. Communicating through Voxer, we became friends. Even though we had not met in person, she’s in Austin, I’m in Ohio, we messaged each other daily about our lives, the current transits, and how they were affecting us, and we became accountability partners in our TBM work. Sharing our manifestations and our everyday life challenges.

One of the things I shared with Rochelle was that all too often, women come and go from my life, and that’s hard for me. They say, and this is from ChatGPT, for ease of explaining: “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.”

• A reason: They enter to teach you something, help you grow, or serve a specific purpose, often brief but meaningful.
• A season: They’re there for a particular chapter of your life; you grow together for a while, then move on.
• A lifetime: These are the enduring connections that stay through all your transformations.

In my life, I’ve experienced friendships in only the first two forms. Some were people I worked with and became close to, and then when I left the job, the friendship slowly faded. Sometimes when someone’s values didn’t align with mine, our paths split and they left my life.

At one point in our six months of working together, I had said, “I wonder if we’d still be talking all the time if I wasn’t paying you.” I said it out of fear, the fear of another woman, who I had come to depend on, would leave my life. My comment to Rochelle about whether we’d still be talking all the time if I wasn’t paying her came from my fears and trying to let her know she mattered, and I did not want our friendship to end when the exchange of money did. Unbeknownst to me, by expressing fear I had “triggered” or touched something in Rochelle.

While I loved digging into the monthly forecast, at the end of the six months, I decided not to renew for a third term. Slowly, Rochelle started to respond less and less frequently to my messages. I could feel it coming, someone leaving my life again. I backed off, messaged less, and then at one point, there was silence.

After about a month she popped into Voxer to let me know that a podcast episode we had recorded together would be dropping soon. No update on her life, no question back to me, just, “Our podcast episode will be dropping on…….” I didn’t reply. Having not heard from her in 30 days, I had adjusted to her being gone.

Then in July or August of this year (2025), I felt funny, a strange calmness came over me. It made me wonder, What is happening in my astrology right now? Scared to reopen the conversation with Rochelle, I did it anyway.

I left her a Voxer message saying something like, “Hey, I have this weird feeling in my body, and I’d like you to take a look at my astrology… I’ll pay you.” Being open and vulnerable I also said, “As you know I have this pattern where friends leave. You don’t have to answer why, but I was wondering what happened to us?”

Rochelle quickly responded to the astrology question, offered to do a reading, and said the cost would be $111. I sent the payment via Venmo.

We started chatting again about our lives over the next few days. Wanting to know what had happened before, and hoping I could find out what I had done wrong, I asked again, “Why did we stop talking?”

Rochelle’s side of the story:

“Lisa and I met a few years ago through a mutual connection.  Lisa initially asked me to do her astrology transit readings for a 3-month basis and then re upped for more time after that.  While getting to know Lisa, I found that we have similar wounding patterns around community, relationships to other women and we connected on boundaries as well (I struggled with boundaries and my go to was always to avoid rather than engaging in conflict).  

During one conversation, Lisa has mentioned that if she wasn’t paying me, she didn’t know if we would still speak or be friends.  Part of my wounding and shadow is that “I am only worthy if”… If I’m providing something, if I’m being useful, etc.  I had never really experience love, in any capacity, as unconditional. 

So after our time was up, we began to speak less and less frequently and part of me felt like, because I wasn’t providing a service anymore, that I was not needed.  Instead of having a conversation or getting clarity, I let the relationship slip.  I also grew up internationally and have been used to friends coming and going in my life. It felt like a part of life. 

This year, when Lisa reached back out, we were able to have an honest conversation around what had happened.  We’re all mirrors for each other, so to see how we were playing off each other’s wounds made sense. I’m still working on boundaries in my life among other things but having a confidant and friend that is there to listen and be present, and vice versa, feels good and hopefully I can be a mirror for Lisa that supports her as she moves through the old friendship-abandonment shadows she’s been healing.”

This is where the WOW comes in

It was both of us and our wounding. Did we find each other and go through this situation to help us both heal? Do better and be better?

Once we had that open and honest conversation, we were able to lean back into our friendship again, sharing about our lives, our families, our relationship challenges. We’ve been open and honest about where we might fall short, and we support each other through those times.

Three months into our reconnection, I’m happy to know there was nothing wrong with me. I didn’t do something to make her pull away.

Unlike some friendships where honesty feels dangerous, with Rochelle, the truth became the bridge back.

Maybe reason is why we met and reconnected. I hope our connection lasts longer than a season, but I trust that however long it’s meant to be, she’ll be here for as long as she’s meant to.

Maybe I’ve learned that I’ve been attracting friends from my shadows, feeling, on some level, that nothing lasts forever, as I’ve written about before. Friends that came and went in school, and maybe what I’m expecting deep down inside is what I keep attracting in my friendships.

If I can now let go of expecting people to leave and instead be okay with the reasons and the seasons, I can attract better friendships and be at peace with some people coming and going.

The little girl in me wants connection so badly. But maybe the more she connects with herself, in deeper and deeper ways, the more she becomes okay with herself, and okay with some people coming and going.